Sirius Feelings
by HermioneGurl89
Summary: Sirius' past comes back to haunt him after a chance encounter in Hogsmeade. Desires are reawakened and new discoveries made. It's better than it sounds...please r and r
1. Prologue

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything of JKR's…**_

**_So, I know the age thing here doesn't work out logistically, but for the sake of the story it had to be done. If you don't like it, don't read! It is meant to take place during the 4th and 5th books. Please r and r!_**

**"**Stella, Stella, where are you?" Gwen turned her head and saw her six-year old daughter petting an enormous, black stray. As she quickly dropped her shopping bags and ran over to pick her daughter up, the dog began to wag its tail madly.

"Stella, how many times does mommy have to tell you not to pet strays? Who knows what kind of diseases the animal might have?"

"But mommy, he's so cute…"

"I know…" she broke off as she looked down at the dog. His eyes were strangely familiar, but how could a stray dog's eyes look familiar. She knew what they reminded her of because she was reminded of it every time she looked into her daughter's gray eyes. "_No, it's impossible."_ she thought and came back to reality as her daughter tugged on her sleeve

"Mommy, can we feed him?" At that the dog began to wag its tail even harder and jump back and forth with happiness. "See Mommy, he wants food."

Gwen had never been able to resist her adorable daughter's pleas to help animals, especially when she made the face that she was making now that reminded her so much of Stella's father. She sighed in resignation and pulled a loaf of bread out of her bad from The Three Broomsticks. Stella shrieked with joy and rushed the bread to the dog. The dog barked as if to say thank you, licked the girl on the cheek, and with the bread in its mouth began to trot up the mountain. Stella grabbed her mother's hand and the wandered back into Hogsmeade to finish their shopping.


	2. Red Recollections

Sirius began his long trek up the mountain to the hiding place he shared with Buckbeak. He was overjoyed at the prospect of real food. A loaf of bread wasn't much, but it was better than rats, which had been his main source of food for the past week. He wandered the long path upset by what he had just experienced and stopped under a tree to think about it.

He'd just seen Gwendolyn… his Gwen. He hadn't seen her since the night before Lily and James had died; two nights before he'd been arrested for a crime he didn't commit, the murder of Peter Pettigrew and 13 innocent muggles. He sat and thought about the last time he'd seen her….

_He was in his apartment, the one he'd rented right after graduating from Hogwarts. He had just lost his job working as a bartender at The Three Broomsticks; he'd gotten in a brawl with Snape after he'd called Lily a mudblood to her face._

_"Bloody hell," he thought, "What's Snape gonna screw me out of next?" But his mood shifted as he heard a knock at the door. It was Gwen. Tonight was their two year anniversary, well, technically, it was their eight year anniversary if he counted the last two years at Hogwarts and all their on and off time. God, he loved her. She'd saved him from mooning over Lily for an eternity and convinced him that James wasn't the only one with all the luck. He opened the door and let her in. She marveled at the glowing, candle-lit room and the delectable looking French dinner he'd laid out. "It's beautiful" she murmured._

_"Yeah, you are" he replied with a grin._

_"That's hopelessly cheesy and overused you know" she replied with a twinkle in her eye._

_"I know" he shrugged._

_"But you still carried it off well, and that's one of the many reasons I love you." Then they kissed. He stopped for a minute._

_"We should eat before it gets cold…"_

_"Okay." She sat down as her took her coat. After she'd finished she leaned back and said "That was wonderful. Where'd you get it?"_

_"Apparated to France and back."_

_She blinked in surprise. "You're amazing, you know that?"_

_"Well, then, while you have such a high opinion of me, let me ask you something," he laughed. Sirius got down on one knee and pulled a small black box out of his pocket. Gwen gasped as he opened it to reveal a gleaming emerald stone. "Gwendolyn Jones, will you marry me?"_

_Gwen's eyes filled with tears and she nodded her head vigorously. "Yes," she whispered breathlessly, "yes, I will." Sirius slipped the ring on to her trembling fingers. As tears of joy slid down her cheeks he embraced her and they began to kiss. _

_"Sirius Black, I love you more than anything."_

_"I love you too Gwen." Their kissing grew more passionate until he picked her up and carried her into his room. He pulled his wand out of his sleeve. "Aromantica" he muttered between kisses and the room filled with candles and rose petals. Feverishly she pulled at his shirt buttons as he undid the buttons on her forest green top. He undid her bra and began to kiss her as she fiddled with the zipper on his pants. He kissed her breasts and pulled her glimmering red hair out of its elegant coif. Her hair fell around her shoulders as he gently pulled her skirt off. He cupped her milk white breasts in his hands and their tongues entertwined as he slid into her. She moaned with delight_.

They'd made love three times that night and then, the next day, everything had come crashing down around him. Lily and James, his best friends, were murdered and not only that, but he'd been accused of betraying them. He'd been hauled off to Azkaban and since his escape last year had been living in hiding.

He'd managed to dismiss Gwen from his mind. It was easy enough. After all, his main concern was Harry now. But then again, he hadn't seen her in 13 years. Until now…Everything he'd ever felt for her had come rushing back to him in that moment: his delight in her sense of humor, his infatuation with her beauty, and most of all, his enchantment with her red hair. "I can't dwell on her," he thought, " after all, she must be married now. She had a ring on her finger and a child. A beautiful child named Stella. I don't blame her. It must've crushed her to find out that I wasn't who she thought I was, even if it wasn't true."

Sirius began on his way again and as he continued to climb he began to cry. Not only for the loss of the woman he loved, but for Stella. He'd have given anything to be her father, to be the man in Gwen's life forever and always. He loved Gwen, but he'd wanted nothing more to be a father and because of Peter Pettigrew he was denied that chance. "Damn Peter and Voldemort!" he cried as he entered his cave and transformed.


	3. Stories and Nightmares

**I hope you guys like it so far…If you are, please review (or even if you don't, review and say why)….It's so helpful to get feedback. Just so you know, Gwen isn't conceited. The story of their meeting is a re-telling of what Sirius once told her.**

Gwen leaned down to tuck her daughter in to bed and as her mother stroked her hair, Stella murmured, "Mommy, tell me the story of Sirius Black."

Gwen was taken aback. Her daughter hadn't asked to hear this story since Black's escape a year ago and for the request to come now when the memory was particularly hurting her, it was almost too much. She was about to tell Stella she was too tired and maybe tomorrow, but one look at her daughter's gray eyes convinced her to do it through her pain. "Alright, Stella, alright…." Stella settled back onto her pillow and listened to her mother with wide eyes.

_Once upon a time, a man named Sirius Black attended school where most English wizards and witches do, Hogwarts. He had three best friends: the nervous Peter Pettigrew, the noble and intelligent Remus Lupin, and the handsome and cocky James Potter. The four friends were all members of Gryffindor house and regularly found themselves a part of an adventure that got them into some sort of trouble. Sirius was the rebel of the group. He was handsome with a well-defined face, sexy raven black hair, and mysterious, steely gray eyes. Half of Hogwarts was in love with him and his rugged good lucks and undeniable charm, but Sirius only had eyes for one woman or so most thought. That woman was Lily Evans. She was everything he was not and everything he wanted. She had long red hair, often pulled into a bun for the sake of studying, enchanting frog green eyes, and a perfect figure. She was extremely intelligent, always top of her class, and one of the most talented witches ever to pass through Hogwarts' doors. But most or least importantly, depending on your family's attitude, she was Muggle-born. Sirius didn't care. But his family did: his mother had already disowned him for being friends with half-bloods._

_Lily was beautiful and Sirius wanted her. That was all that mattered. He wanted her and he'd gotten her, but only for a short time. Lily went out with Sirius for 3 months before politely telling him that she liked him a lot, but knew they weren't meant to be together and that it was better to just break it off. Times were dangerous with Voldemort nearing the height of his power and Lily wanted a long term relationship with someone she would consider marrying. Lily continued to see Sirius, as she was good friends with Remus, and thus often found herself around him._

_In their 7th year, Lily was named Head Girl along with Sirius' best friend James Potter. Everyone reeled at the thought. Lily Evans hated James Potter and his cocky attitude. But Potter, like Sirius, had fallen under Lily's spell. He'd been infatuated with her since his 5th year, but no one, not even Sirius knew it. They argued constantly or so it seemed, but somehow things changed. No one knew why, but Lily fell in love with James and eventually, the couple became inseparable._

_But this is Sirius' story not theirs. At first, Sirius was distraught. He loved Lily and James had taken her from him. But then Sirius realized, he and Lily hadn't been together for almost a year. She didn't go with James against her will. She loved James, not Sirius and that was the way things were. Sirius began to talk to James again and the group of friends got together often. Although Sirius wasn't angry with James and he enjoyed spending time with him, he was still convinced that he'd lost the only woman he would ever love._

_One day Sirius was wandering around the grounds, slightly agitated and depressed, when he noticed a figure with red hair silently crying alone on the lake's edge. At first, he thought it was Lily, but as he drew closer, he noticed that the figure's hair was a lighter hue and had much more blonde in it. The girl, it was a girl as he had thought, raised her head and gasped in surprise. Through her tears, Sirius noticed the most breath-taking pair of eyes he had ever seen. They were a deep forest green and next to her hair they were exquisite. At that moment, Sirius forgot all he had felt for Lily. This girl was radiant enough to be a woodland nymph and he wanted to know she was real. Sirius fell for her without knowing anything about her. Later, he would learn of her intelligence, her innate kindness to all things, especially animals, her dreams, and her amazing talent as a lover. The girl began to gather her things and muttered, "Why can't people just leave me alone?"_

_Sirius felt bad for bothering her, but he was too intrigued too apologize. "Miss, why don't you tell me what's wrong? The least I can do is give you a shoulder to cry on."_

"_I don't think you would understand my problems, Mr. Black, so, I think I'll just be going."_

_Sirius guessing that she had lost someone to Voldemort, replied, "I think I might and whatever it is, I would sincerely like to know what's bothering you. If it's got to do with Vol-"_

_She cut him off, "Don't say the name. And it hasn't got anything to do with him." She was about to continue chastising him when she looked into his eyes and noticed a deep sense of caring. 'He genuinely wants to know,' she thought, 'I always knew there was more to Sirius Black than a pretty face.' For an unknown reason, the girl found herself trusting Sirius completely. She sat back down and began, "I guess this must seem trivial compared to anything to do with He Who Must Not Be Named, but well, there's this bloke and it's silly really, but I like, maybe even love, him and he well, doesn't know I exist really. He's in my year and he's a Gryffindor too, but I don't think he even knows my name."_

"_On the contrary, I don't think it's silly. I know exactly how you feel. I used to feel the exact same way about someone: hopeless, confused, angry. But things will get better: maybe he'll notice you or perhaps you'll find someone else. I think I finally may have." Then, suddenly seized with anger at the thought that anyone could hurt such a kind, beautiful person, even unwittingly, he grabbed her hand, looked into her eyes and asked, "Who? Who doesn't know you exist?"_

_The girl knew she shouldn't tell. She knew it was better to keep your mouth shut when it came to this type of thing, but Sirius' anger had made her bold. Shaking, she whispered "Sirius." But before she could say 'Black' he had grabbed her other hand, pulled her toward him, and kissed her with as much passion as he could muster. Still holding her, but breathing heavily he gasped, "I'm sorry for whatever pain I have caused you, but I guarantee you, I know you exist now and as long as I live, I will never forget it." Then, Sirius pulled the girl even closer to him and kissed her again. They rolled in the grass and continued to kiss. Then the girl lay in Sirius' arms and they fell asleep on the ground gazing at the stars._

_Sirius continued to see the girl and they became inseparable. They did everything together and were happiest spending time with their two best friends, Lily and James. Life followed its natural course. They all graduated from Hogwarts. Lily and James became Aurors, married, and had a son named Harry whom Sirius regularly visited. The girl became a healer, specializing in animal care. Sirius, always the rebel, refused to find a steady job. He distrusted the Ministry and instead floated from one odd job the next, including a stint at the Three Broomsticks as a bartender. Through all the happiness, times grew darker. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named grew stronger and stronger and the number of attacks grew daily. No one knew whom to trust anymore. Your dearest friend could turn out to be one of the Dark Lord's supporters and so you told people less and less. The girl was especially suspicious. Sirius told her, Lily, and James that he thought Lupin was the Dark Lord's spy. He convinced Lily and James into making him their secret keeper. Then, he asked the girl to marry him and she said yes._

_No one knew, not even the girl, that a dark force had consumed Sirius and he had become Voldemort's closest supporter. Without warning, he betrayed Lily and James. The Dark Lord murdered them, and their son brought about the Dark Lord's downfall. Sirius, enraged that his plan had backfired, went after his other friend and murdered Peter along with 13 muggles. He was locked up in Azkaban until his recent escape and now the ministry is searching for him in order to kill him once and for all. And that is the story of Sirius Black, a good man corrupted by his thirst for power who betrayed and destroyed those he held most dear._

Stella had long since fallen asleep, but Gwen caught up in her past had continued on. Stella didn't know that her mother was that girl and Gwen didn't ever intend to tell her. The loss of her father had left a big enough void in Stella's life; she didn't need to know about the misery of her mother's past. Gwen kissed her daughter good night and went down the hallway to her own bedroom. She quickly fell asleep.

_A dog was barking. Gwen was searching for it. It sounded as if it were in pain and she wanted, no, she needed to help it. She was running. She had to find the dog. The barking grew louder and turned into yelps. She tripped and fell. She was falling, falling, falling and then she was in Sirius' arms. In his strong arms. They were kissing and he was holding her. "I love you," he whispered over and over again. She shuddered with delight. Simply being close to him made her elated. He started to kiss her and when he stopped, she shivered with fear. An inhuman gleam entered his eyes. He stood and pushed her to the ground. He was laughing hysterically, the same way he'd laughed when he killed Pettigrew. She was going to die; she could feel it. Still laughing, he raised his wand and pointed it at her heart "Avada…" Crack. She opened her eyes. She was surrounded by fog and Sirius was gone. Standing in front of her was a dog. It was the dog from Hogsmeade; the dog with gray eyes. The dog with Sirius' eyes. He jumped on her and began licking her. Without warning, the dog growled and bit her. The dog's eyes filled with fear at the realization of what it had done and it scampered away. Gwen started to chase the dog and the gray eyes peered out at her from very direction. She started to fall again and then…_

She woke up. She was breathing heavily and had broken into a cold sweat. 'It was just a nightmare, I'm okay,' she thought. She'd been having dreams about the dog since she'd first seen him in Hogsmeade. It was his eyes. The dog's eyes had been exact to Sirius'. Tonight was the first time Sirius had been in her dreams in 13 years. She'd had nightmares about him shortly after Lily and James' murder, but had managed to block him out. She thought about him daily, but never had she dreamt about him.

She rolled onto her side. "Why? Sirius, why did you do it? Why did you betray Lily and James? They loved you. I loved you or at least, I loved who you were, not what you had become. I needed you. You were all that I had after the Death Eaters got mum. You betrayed us all, including yourself. I still love you for some reason…and now, after 14 years, your spirit is haunting me. Isn't it enough that you torture my every waking moment? Now you have to enter my dreams. Why? All I've ever wanted to know is why…"she thought. Gwen bit her lip and tried to hold back the inevitable tears. She couldn't stop them from coming. Silently, Gwen cried herself into a dreamless sleep as she thought of the loss of the man she loved.


	4. More Memories

**Sorry, I haven't updated in a while…School was insane. I would really, really appreciate it if you'd review. Thanks!**

Gwen awoke early that morning feeling less rested than she ever had. Although she hadn't dreamt of Sirius or the dog again, the fear of it returning had plagued her. She looked at the clock on the nightstand and realized that she was already a half-hour behind schedule. Stella would have to settle for Irish Oatmeal this morning because she didn't have the time to make eggs. She climbed out of bed and covered her green silk nightgown with a purple bathrobe. The edges of the bathrobe were frayed. It was over 15 years old. Sirius had given it to her as a graduation present. Because he was such a sexual man, she had been surprised to open a fluffy bathrobe, but that was what she had once loved about him: he was always full of surprises. Then, she'd discovered he had too many surprises, too many secrets. She wrapped the robe around her and inhaled deeply absorbing the heady smell of old magic, Quidditch green, and dark forest pine, the smell of Sirius. Although he'd betrayed her, she still found comfort in his scent. She sighed knowing today would be one of the difficult days when the memories would haunt her and started downstairs.

After making breakfast, she woke up Stella and laid out an autumn brown dress with socks and shoes for her daughter and started the shower. She showered with her usual haste and picked out her favorite set of dark green robes to wear to work. She always tried to look her best when she felt her worst to counteract her bad mood. She left her daughter at school and apparated to work: a small building on Diagon Alley that specialized in the care of magical creatures. Since she'd found a hurt phoenix in her yard at the age of nine and repaired its wing, she'd always dreamed of being an animal healer. She'd gotten her wish after years of unrelenting hard work and for the past 14 years, it had been her only refuge.

Although she loved Stella more than she'd ever thought possible, the hurt that came with caring for her could sometimes be too much. Each time she looked into her daughter's grey eyes she was reminded of what she'd almost had. No one knew the truth, not even Stella. Her coworkers believed her story that Stella's father had died in a flying accident when Stella was 6 months old, but that wasn't true. Stella's father was still alive wherever he was hiding. A month after Sirius' arrest and consequent imprisonment in Azkaban, Gwen had discovered she was pregnant. At first, she was horrified. She was carrying the child of the Dark Lord's heir. That put her in unthinkable danger. If Voldemort or any of his followers ever discovered that Sirius Black had a child… just thinking about it today made her shudder. She'd contemplated getting rid of the child, but she couldn't bring herself to destroy the one thing that would always belong to her as a link to the man she loved. A reminder of what Sirius once was: pure, loving, and good-hearted, not what he had become. Everyone who knew her knew that she and Sirius had been lovers. They'd all know that this was his child. She needed a way to stall the child's birth until Sirius had been forgotten and no one would suspect that Stella was his because she'd be too young. She'd despaired in ever finding a solution, but one day, while perusing the shelves of Flourish and Blott's she'd come across the answer. A spell to delay the birth of a conceived child until the mother had decided whether to keep it or not. It could be cast for up to 10 years. Gwen waited eight…Eight had been enough to ensure that no one would know she carried Sirius' child and eight had been enough for her to try to forget the memories. She hadn't forgotten of course. It was impossible for her to forget the only man she'd ever loved. Of course she'd dated other men, she didn't anymore, but for the first couple of years when she was trying to forget, she had. None of them had been good enough. Sure some were good-looking, others kind, but none of them had what she'd loved most about Sirius: his undeniable passion for life, his friends, everything. With other men, she'd only slept with them. With Sirius, she'd truly made love. That was the only thing you could call it with Sirius because for him, it was the greatest act of love. For other men, it was a recreational activity. For Sirius, it was the sharing of his soul and every time they'd ever made love it had been, well, magical.

When Stella was born, Gwen stopped dating other people. She'd come to terms with the fact that she would never find another man like Sirius. She began devoting all her time to Stella, the closest she would ever get to Sirius again. Every day Gwen silently thanked herself for keeping Stella. Every time she looked into those grey eyes a wave of love and hurt came crashing over her.

"Gwen! Gwen? Hey, the work day's over." Gwen looked up to see Shari holding the door open for her. She looked at her watch and realized she was late for picking up Stella. She'd gotten so lost in her thoughts of the secrets of her life that she'd lost all track of time. Gwen smiled at Shari, thanked her, walked out into the street, and apparated to Stella's school. The rest of the day was fairly regular. She helped Stella with her homework, they ate dinner, and she tucked Stella into bed for the night.

Gwen climbed into bed and fell asleep right away. Immediately, she faded into dreams of the memories of her past…

_Gwen rolled over and her eyes fluttered open. The white sheets were pulled up over her body and her long red hair was delicately mussed, the result of a night of passionate lovemaking. She smiled as she glanced at the figure beside her and then looked at the elegantly carved emerald ring on her left hand. She traced Sirius' well-defined back with her eyes and gently, stretched out her hand and began stroking his long black hair. Last night had been the best night of her life. Not only had Sirius finally proposed, but they'd spent the entire night in bed together. As she remembered the events of the previous night, she continued to absentmindedly stroke his hair. Suddenly, he rolled over and grabbed her upper arms and laughing, began kissing her. Between kisses, she giggled, "I love you."_

_He stopped and looked deep into her eyes and replied, "I love you too." Then, he kissed her on the lips again and began to move slowly down her body with his lips. He tenderly caressed her with his mouth and with a gleam in his eye slid into her._

"_This makes five," she whispered._

"_I know," he said and kissed her on the forehead. After making love, he remained inside her and they rolled over so she rested on top of his masterfully shaped body._

"_Let's go visit James and Lily," he said._

"_Ok, I want to tell them the good news."_

_They got out of bed and dressed rather quickly and as they kissed, they apparated to Godric's Hollow. Lily was watering the begonias in the window box, and she laughed when she saw them appear. Lily opened the door to let in her two best friends. As they entered the house, James came out of the bedroom with baby Harry in his arms. Gwen ran to kiss her godson on the forehead (She had been named Godmother and Sirius, Godfather.) As she reached to take the baby, James glanced at her hands and looked at Sirius questioningly. Sirius nodded and Gwen felt herself crack the biggest smile she ever had. She looked at Lily and announced, "Lil, Sirius and I are engaged."_

_Lily dropped the watering can and ran to hug Gwen. While at Hogwarts, the two had almost become sisters in the same way James and Sirius were brothers. Lily knew one thing was certain: she sure was better than Petunia. Then, after they broke apart, they squealed like school girls. Lily gushed, "I can't believe it."_

"_I know, me either. I can't wait until Harry has a friend to play with."_

_Sirius smiled. He'd always wanted to be a father, and although he'd always suspected as much, he was happy to hear that Gwen felt the same way about motherhood._

_James walked to Sirius and shook his hand, "I take it the plan worked then?"_

"_Yep!" Sirius grinned._

_Lily whacked James on the arm, "You knew and you didn't tell me. Why I-James, how could you?"_

"_You can't blame me Lil. You've never been very good at keeping good news secret. When you found out about Harry, you walked around the office rubbing your stomach for three hours, and I had to ask you if you wanted some of that Muggle medicine, Pepto Bismal, and you finally admitted you were pregnant. I wasn't going to let you ruin Sirius and Gwen's night."_

"_Oh you," she said and ran to give Gwen another hug. The rest of the day passed like a dream. The four enjoyed talking with each other, catching up on their week, and when Lily and James had to run an errand, Sirius and Gwen watched Harry. They played with him and as Gwen held Harry in her arms, Sirius told her he couldn't wait to see her hold their child. The four ate dinner together, and Sirius and Gwen apparated back to his apartment._

_By accident or maybe not, the two apparated into Sirius' bedroom. Gwen pushed him onto the double bed and climbing on top of him, undid his buttons with her teeth. When he was lying naked on the bed, she went into the closet, took off all her clothes, and climbing back onto the bed, examined every inch of his body with her lips. Having finished, she raised herself up and slid him into her. She could find no feeling that made her happier, and she moaned with delight as he delicately moved in and out of her. She arched her back to meet him, and they made the best love they ever had. Exhausted from the effort, Gwen fell asleep in his arms._

_Several hours later she awoke to find the room dark and Sirius missing. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was past one. She figured Sirius had gone to the bathroom, but when he didn't return shortly, she began to worry. Why had Sirius left her in his house by herself? He hadn't said anything earlier. Had there been another attack? She put on the extra pajamas she had in his drawer and went into the living room to wait. As each minute passed, she became more and more concerned. This was unlike Sirius: no note, no warning, nothing. Why hadn't he woken her up? Whatever it was, shouldn't she know?_

_At about 4 a.m., she heard voices outside the door, and Albus Dumbledore burst into the apartment. Gwen jumped. "Gwendolyn, Is that you?"_

"_Yes, Albus. Where's Sirius? Is everything alright? What's going on? I woke up and he was gone."_

"_We thought you might know where he is."_

"_No, I-"_

"_You didn't let me finish. It is of utmost importance that we find him. Lily and James are dead."_

"_What? No, that's not possible. I saw them just over 8 hours ago."_

"_They're dead. Voldemort got them."_

_Gwen sank onto the couch in disbelief. Her two best friends were gone. Lily and James Potter were dead. The two best wizards of her class, possibly her generation, were gone. She was almost scared to ask the next question, "Harry, Is he?"_

"_He survived somehow. Curse backfired and got Voldemort instead. The Dark Lord is no more."_

_Gwen gasped, "He's really gone?"_

_Dumbledore nodded grimly, "I don't understand why Lily and James had to go with him, but things never seem to make much sense these days."_

"_Harry, where is he?"_

"_His aunt and uncle's. They're the closest family he has. He needs to be away from the wizarding world for the time being. Voldemort's followers will not regard the boy with kindness."_

"_I was wondering if maybe Sirius and I could take him"_

"_I don't think that will be possible."_

_Gwen was still trying to grasp the fact that her two best friends were gone, when she had began to wonder how Sirius fit into the equation and why he hadn't woken her up to tell her. Why he'd disappeared to leave the news to come from the morning papers or whoever she happened to meet first. "Why?"_

"_Gwen, did you know that Sirius was Lily and James secret keeper?"_

"_Of course, I'm in the Order. We all knew or those closest to Lily and James anyway."_

"_Then you understand that only he could have divulged Lily and James whereabouts."_

"_Yes, wait, no. What are you saying? You think Sirius betrayed Lily and James. The closest thing he's ever known to family."_

"_I'm afraid it's the only logical explanation. I've suspected for some time that one of our group is a spy for the Dark Lord and tonight, Sirius seems to have revealed himself. His family does tend to have dark leanings and a distaste for Muggle-borns, and he's the only one that could have told Voldemort where they are."_

"_No, it's just not possible. Betray Lily and James? Never. That's not like him and besides, he was here."_

"_What was the last time you saw him?"_

"_Eleven o'clock."_

"_They died at one. Enough time for him to betray his dearest friends."_

"_I—I, well, I don't know. Well, what now?"_

"_Find him, find him before he does anymore damage. Hagrid said he already tried to take the boy. No doubt to finish him off."_

_Gwen screamed, "Stop. Just stop. It's no, Sirius wouldn't try to kill Harry…He loves him."_

"_Power changes people Gwen. It consumes them and love doesn't matter anymore."_

"_Don't say that…Don't ever say that. That means **I** don't matter."_

_But it was true because the next morning, Peter Pettigrew cornered Sirius to try to get the best of him, but Peter was hopeless with a wand. Sirius got him with one blast, along with 13 muggles._

_Gwen went to watch him be condemned to Azkaban without a trial. She sat in the back and watched the man she thought she knew. He looked the same he had two nights ago. No hatred or dark force in his eyes, nothing like Dumbledore had described. Was he really that different from her Sirius of Hogwarts? Was he capable of betrayal? She stood to call out to him, but as she began to rise, Lily and James' faces rose to her thoughts and she sat down in disgust. She couldn't believe she hadn't seen him for what he was, a heartless monster who'd betray his closest friends. She hoped he'd rot in Azkaban. The minute she thought it she began to regret it._

_Sirius had seen her stand and as the guards dragged him off he lost any sense of dignity, "Gwen, help me! Please! Lily and James, I'd never, you know…Gwen, please, Gwen, I love you."_

_Sobbing, Gwen ignored his pleas and exited the courtroom in her black robes with tears streaming down her face. "Sirius Black," she thought, "You betrayed Lily and James, but I'll love you until the day I die."_

_A fog filled the dream and in the distance, Gwen heard barking as she was engulfed by thousands of grey eyes._


End file.
